Lately I’ve been feeling it. What with the passing of my grandmother, constant (secret) preparations for the wedding, working in in-between jobs, and trying to get focussed on uni – which started yesterday and feels so separate to me,
a vast thing and a giant thing, passing
like a train over tracks that whistle and scream – I caught a train this-morning, to return a device which measured the amount of night time teeth-grinding I’ve been doing because
just seems to get the best of me. I just find it so hard to stop; thinking, worrying, imagining, scheming, planning and searching late at night online for things, elusive, to (ironically) make it all easier.
~ it all is nothing, a chasing after the wind ~
Last week I tried to draw a self portrait using a chalk pen on the glass of the shower and using the mirror that hangs adjacent. After my grandmother passed, I couldn’t help noticing how the facial structure of it mimicked hers, but it is mine too. The lines are blurry and leaky, graceful and tired looking. I have heard that some Aboriginal art has a special significance to the few who witness it and its making. It is also often transient – being swept away by the wind or the water. In the same way these marks articulate something distinct about how I feel at the moment, and they seem to have special ontological significance, even as they are fading and will soon be gone.
It reminds me of how much I want to get into art therapy – sometimes it’s just little things that build up when you forget to deal with them one at a time and make sure to